Hayley's RedXIII Spaz
by Rita Noyoki
Summary: What happens when I, Hayley, go into the video game. Weapon and Jenova DATING??? You bet! This is actually more of a rant.


Hayley dances around in a circle, and screams, "WOO HOO! GO REDXIII!" she kisses RedXIII, then hugs him, and smiles. "Doncha just LOVE the little guy?!"  
  
RedXIII inches backwards, and laughs nervously. "Uh, I'll just be going back onto the CD..." He turns and runs at full speed.   
She tears up, then cries. "NOOOO!!! WAIT!!!" sitting down, she sniffs. "This happens every time...." Hayley suddenly gets an idea. She turns self into hexagons, and runs onto the TV. "HA! Now I get to be with you FOREVER!!!"   
RedXIII groans, then looks up. "YES!! Meteor is going to hit in a few days!!" Quickly, he runs to Cloud."Um...can we like, not save the planet??"   
Hayley runs over to the group. "Can I help you save the planet?!? Can I can I can I????"   
Cloud looks at her confused, (and horribly annoyed), then smiles evilly. He looks at the group, and winks. "Sure!" He says. "But first you have to beat Sephiroth...by yourself!!"   
She jumps up and down. "YAY!!!" Hayley giggles, and runs off.   
Cloud gives another evil grin. "That will take care of h--"   
Hayley comes running back, holding Sephroiths head. "You mean to tell me you couldn't beat him? He was a piece of cake!"  
Cloud stares, and he drops his sword on his toe.  
Tifa stares, and punches herself.  
Vincent stares, and blinks slowly.   
Cid stares, and curses under his breath.  
RedXIII just stares.   
Yuffie stares, and drops all her stolen materia.  
Barret stares, and accidentally shoots the ground.   
Cait freezes in the middle of jumping around, and stares.   
Aeris stares from the Lifestream.  
Hayley stares back at them. "What?"   
Cloud faints.   
Tifa faints.  
Vincent faints.  
Cid swears, then faints.  
Red XIII faints.   
Yuffie faints.   
Barret faints.  
Cait faints.  
Aeris faints in the Lifestream.  
Hayley picks up RedXIII and Cid. "You're commin' with me!!" She precedes to cram everyone else in the cargo section of the airship Highwind.   
A few minutes later, Cid wakes up, and starts swearing, as usual. "Who the !@$%^$ are you? You scared the #$@%$^ daylights outta me!"   
Hayley is humming in the corner, mounting Sephroiths head on a plaque.   
Cid looks at her. "What did you do with the %*$#&@ monster Jenova?!"   
Hayley scolds him. "Now, that's no way to talk about our new teammate!"   
"TEAMMATE?" Cid begins swearing again. "@$&$%@#*^($*#@&!&$*%@&$%@(%&^(*$*#$#$*????"  
  
Hayley calls out, "Oh, JENOVA!!!!"   
A large stomping is heard, and Cid looks around. Jenova comes out, with makeup smeared all over her face.   
"Jenova, I said if you needed help with your makeup, just ask me!" Hayley sighs.   
RedXIII wakes up. His eyes widen– "AHHH!! JENOVA!" --and he starts to attack.   
Hayley shoves him over. "NOW, DON'T PICK FIGHTS WITH OUR TEAMMATES!!"   
RedXIII eyes widen. "T-T-Teammate?!? ARE YOU MAD?!?!" he looks at Cid, hoping for an explanation.   
Cid shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know what the @$&%*# hell is goin' on here either!"   
"Jenova's actually a really nice person, once you get to know her." Hayley says, while putting the finishing touches on the plaque. "She also has great home decorating skills!" She looks at plaque. "Jenova, where do you think the best place to put this is? I want it somewhere where everyone can see."   
Jenova looks around, and hangs it on the left wall. She digs in her pocket, and pulls out some silk flowers, and puts it in a ring around it.   
Hayley steps back, and nods. "You are a regular Martha Stewart, Jenova. Lots of people hate you, but you do decorate things well!"   
Jenova blushes.   
"Now, to fix that makeup...." Hayley climbs up on a really tall ladder. "No, not the Power Pink...It just doesn't go with your complection! I think Ice-Blue Pink is what you need....And for eyeshadow...definitely not Pale Rose....hmmm..."   
Cid and RedXIII look at each other, and Cid makes the crazy sign.   
"Cid, I saw that! What do you know about dating?! Hmm...Ah! The Silk Sheen would look perfect!" She jumps down. "There! Now you look just lovely! Weapon, eat your heart out!"   
Jenova blushes again.   
Cid stares. "DATING?!?! WEAPON?!?!?! WHAT THE %&#*%&@%#&*#&^%$ #@*$&@*#@$^&*#&%&*$@ IS GOIN' ON?!?"   
"Well, DUH, Cid. Jenova's had a crush on him since, like, 100,000,000 years ago! She's gotta impress him first!"   
RedXIII sighs "What has this planet come to? First the meteor, then two deadly ancients dating! If I didn't know better, I would think I was going crazy!"   
Cid sits down. "First the game was all serious, and the love story was between Cloud and Tifa! Now it's turned into a comedy, and the love story is about Weapon and Jenova, two monsters who can't even talk!"   
Hayley pulls Cid up " This is not a comedy! This is a tragic love tale! Now, c'mon! Steer the Highwind to Junon!!"  
~~~Meanwhile, in the cargo section...~~~  
The Highwind jolts, and Cloud wakes up. "Oh my head..."  
Tifa wakes up, and blinks. "Hey...What's going on?"  
Barret jumps up, bangs his head on the ceiling, and faints again.  
Yuffie sits there, and looks for materia, in case someone dropped some.  
Vincent turns mutant. "Sorry. I'm bored."  
Cait jumps up. "Hey! I was hoping you guys would wake up soon! I have something for us to do! Now then!" He thinks hard. "Our lucky number of the day is–" He is hit in the head with a shoe.   
"SHUT UP!!" They all shout, and the robot begins to malfunction. "Lucky number day is bad fut–ure oh I never had that fortune must go with Cloud follow now sorry Cloud didn't want to come to this look up Marlene hostage I'll go I am mechanical Black Materia– hello I Cait Sith 2 must keep me in party Hojo father Turks Sephiroth must I'll be there Cloud preacher time comes I'll be there jump jump–"  
"Hey! He was right! This IS fun!!" Tifa laughs, listing to everything Cait Sith had ever said all jumbled into one.  
~~~Back outside...~~~  
"Now then! We need to get Weapon's attention!" Hayley points to a plan she made on the wall. "Jenova, you stand on the cliff and look pretty. RedXIII and Cid, you stay on the Highwind, and do nothing. And I'll–" She holds up a huge mako-nuclear-laser-homing-missile-rocket-launcher, "Take care of Weapon!" Hayley loads it, and walks outside. Hayley points it at the ocean. She fires it, and it hits a Shinra plane. The plane blows into pieces, and spins to the ground, finally crashing on some innocent person in a wave a flame and twisted metal.   
RedXIII and Cid look at her fearfully. "But I thought–" RedXIII starts to say.  
"What?" Hayley shrugs. "Did you actually think I was going to blow up Jenova's boyfriend-to-be?" She runs to the shore, and the blue submarine is waiting. She waves to Jenova, and jumps in.  
Inside the submarine, Hayley starts it up, and begins to look for Weapon. After a while, she begins to sing "Yellow Submarine... Final Fantasy 7 style!  
"In the land, where I was born,   
There lived a man, who sailed the seas,  
And he told us of his life,  
Among the Shinra submarines,  
So we flew, into the sun.,  
'Til we found the port Junon,  
And we shot torpedoes, beneath the waves  
In a blue submarine.  
We all live in a blue submarine,  
A blue submarine,  
A blue submarine.   
We all live in a blue submarine,  
A blue submarine,  
A blue submarine.  
And some hostages are all aboard,  
And Weapon, swims next-door,  
Then the theme song, begins to play...  
We all live in a blue submarine,  
A blue submarine,  
A blue submarine.   
We all live in a blue submarine,  
A blue submarine,  
A blue submarine.  
We don't live, a life of ease,  
Costs to much gil, to get what we need,  
Meteor of red, and seas of green,  
In our blue submarine..."  
Suddenly, Hayley stops, and the shadow of Weapon drifts past. She turns on some loudspeakers, and shouts into them. "HEY WEAPON! WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING?? JENOVA'S WAITING FOR YOU! AND, SHE'S GOT A NICE, BIG CRATER-FULL OF LIQUID MAKO!!!"  
Weapon shoots out of the water, after hearing "liquid mako", his favorite drink.  
(This is unfinished. I will add on more later! ^_^) 


End file.
